Born to Climb

I have a disease called MAGIS Syndrome. MAGIS means more in Latin, in hopes that it will give patients, who are diagnosed with the disease, the assurance that they are MORE than their disease.

This disease is a Primary Immune Deficiency that is caused by a rare, horrific gene mutation.  It’s so horrific that I should not have survived my mother’s pregnancy. Today I am 29 years old, healthy, and thriving because of God’s healing touch on my life.

I can’t speak for everyone with a disability, but growing up this disease didn’t only weaken my immune system, cause my body to have to undergo 27 surgeries, and make Nationwide Children’s Hospital my second home, it also gave me insecurities and challenges I wouldn’t have had if I had been healthy. 

         I knew this because I didn’t see these insecurities and challenges in my healthy older sister, my cousins, or my friends.  I couldn’t play sports as a child because I was a severe asthmatic and had such a weak immune system. I wasn’t allowed to learn how to ride a bike without training wheels until I was 10 years old because my doctors were afraid that the handlebars would fall into my left side and rupture my extremely enlarged spleen.  While many kids could handle juggling multiple extra-curricular activities, it was a victory for me if I made it to school a half a day.

         I often felt like I was standing on the sidelines watching everyone my age, and even those younger than me go through normal coming of age milestones and I was on the sidelines just watching.  I was always 10 steps behind the social norms that were typical and expected for a girl growing up.

         Although my illness was out of my control, feelings of isolation would rise, and those feelings would lead to feelings of not being confident in myself or the talents and passions God gave me.  Ultimately, those feelings often held me back in putting myself out there to people because I didn’t feel confident or capable and I was afraid of what people might think of me, even though the task or opportunity that was before me was not only something I could handle, but something I would have thrived at.

         It has taken some time, but God has healed some of those old wounds by giving me opportunities that I thought would never be possible.  I’ve gone on 6 mission trips, I teach a Sunday School class at my church— teaching some of the cutest kids ever, and I volunteer for The Immune Deficiency Foundation, an organization that reaches out to people who have Primary Immune Deficiencies like me. I’m very blessed and I’m so excited by what God is doing in my life.

         However, just because God has opened these amazing doors doesn’t mean that feelings of incompetence and thoughts of what people might think of me don’t ever creep inside my heart anymore. 

They do because I’m human. 

It’s still very hard to go out of my comfort zone, in fact most of the time I have to be drawn out of that feeling of safety and security by others because the thought of not being accepted or not being liked is very difficult for me to even think about.

Recently, I stepped out of my comfort zone in a way that’s not like me at all, but if I had not done so, I would not have gained the direction and fulfillment that I received from this opportunity.

Just like many families in this country, my family are fans of Fixer Upper.  We love watching Jo’s amazing design reveals and laugh at Chip’s crazy antics.  My mother is such a big fan that she receives The Gains’ email, “Magnolia Market.”

 On September 30^th, my mother received one of their emails and came very close to deleting it, but something held her back from doing so. When she read it, she saw that it wasn’t an article about one of the houses they fixed up or a new piece of furniture they were selling, but it was about a contest Chip was hosting called the “ChipStarter.”  He was doing this contest because of the people that has been there to help him launch his dreams, and he wanted to extend the same to others, helping them launch their dreams as well. 

Immediately, my mother and sister told me I should enter.  At first I was hesitant, because what would I have to ask Chip Gaines to invest in?  Then slowly my dreams, passions, and talents that God has given me flooded into my heart and soul.  I truly believe God has given me the talent of writing and inspirational speaking.  He’s given me the story and the ability to share it through writing and encouraging people that with God they are more than their circumstances.  I thought that perhaps this was God’s way of opening the door for me to pursue my dream, so I decided to take this step of faith and enter the contest.  Shortly after I made the decision to take this leap out of my comfort zone, the fear of what people would think of my doing this began to creep in. Would they think I was bragging or prideful for saying that God had giving me these talents and I wanted to pursue them? My mother and sister constantly told me that these doubts were not true and I should definitely pursue the dreams that God had given me. 

So I, along with the help of friends and family worked hard to make the video and write the essays explaining my dream and how I planned to pursue it so Chip and his committee would know and understand why this was so important to me. 

I’m so glad I didn’t let my fears and doubts control and dictate my decision to enter this contest, because all along the way God gave me confirmations that I was on the right path.  I was trusting Him with the outcome no matter what it was.  Waiting to hear if I was chosen as a finalist for the contest was difficult and when discovered I wasn’t chosen, I was okay because I didn’t let my fear control me, but stepped out of my comfort zone in faith.

For me though, it was more than just those reasons that I was okay.  It was as if God’s plan for me to enter this contest wasn’t for me to win, but for me to see my dreams and the callings He has placed in my heart are not only worth pursuing, but attainable. Putting my dreams and goals of becoming an author and inspirational speaker to paper excited me, gave me purpose, and allowed God to give me the direction that I was lacking on how to move forward.

God has helped me so much over the years.  He helped me climb mountains of disease, insecurity, doubt, and fear.  With His strength I have seen that I’m born to climb and I’m going to continue to scale the mountains that are before me. 

Through this blog I’m continuing to step out in faith, pursuing the talents that God uniquely has given me because of the story He’s continuing to write for me.  I hope you’ll join me each week as I share my story with all of it’s victories and trials, and as I discover time and time again that I am MORE than my mountains.