Cracked Façade
I’m about to get real and talk about something no one likes to discuss— insecurities. I don’t care who you are, there’s something you’re insecure about. The most secure person in this world still has something within their selves that makes them feel vulnerable. The perfect way I think to describe it is a “Cracked Façade.”
Whether a person is insecure about their acne, their weight, their grades, their height, their financial state, their disease, or they simply just don’t feel good enough, those insecurities will arise in some form when a person is made to feel they don’t measure up in the very area they don’t even believe they measure up.
I’ve been there.
It’s not fun to feel your heart drop to your knees because you’re not what or where you’re supposed to be in life by “normal standards.” When your heart drops and your insecurities arise you become a "Cracked Façade" because your deepest fears are revealed and that is about as raw and as painful as it gets.
It’s funny though how your insecurities shift from childhood to adulthood. When I was a child I’d try to hide my warts as much as I could whether that was by pulling my sleeves down over my hands or clenching my fists. Now those defense mechanisms don’t even occur to me because I’ve realized those blemishes don’t take away from the confidence or beauty I have.
When I was a teenager, I had to get hearing aids due to significant hearing loss. It was amazing how much better I could hear with those tiny little guys, but I didn’t wear them for very long because, to me, it was just one more peculiarity that stuck out about me. I was just recently told I need to get hearing aids again, and now as an adult, I’m excited to get them. I realize now it’ll better benefit me to be able to hear than it will to worry about what others think about me.
Those insecurities were very real to me, they were my “Cracked Façade,” but with time they faded away and now others have taken their place. At 30 years old not only am I not married yet, I still live with my parents. I’m very grateful my parents have graciously given me a place to live as an adult, but I must admit I’m not where I thought I would be in this stage of life. There are times when my heart literally drops to my stomach when I realize I’m not where most people are in life at my age.
Most of my closest friends are married and have children. When we are together and conversations shift to their spouses, children, or house, I’ll laugh and joke with them or join in the conversation by sharing a story about one of the kids I babysit so I feel included, but I know I can’t totally relate. The honest truth is sometimes that stings a little bit.
Most women in their thirties at least live on their own or with a roommate, so the fear that clenches my heart is do people think I live with my parents because I’m not capable of taking care of myself? Do they think my disease hinders me in making basic choices, so I must live with my mother and father? Neither of these things is true, but I often find myself bending over backward to prove otherwise because the feeling of being ‘less than,” what I'm supposed to be cuts my soul to the quick.
This is my “Cracked Façade.”
This is where my fears, doubts, worries, and insecurities leak through my vessel. What’s your “Cracked Facade?” What are your deepest fears? It’s difficult to feel “less than.” It’s painful when your insecurities are exposed.
So don’t you ever let anyone make you feel bad about your “Cracked Facade.” You’re human. You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to hurt. But don’t ever let you’re “Cracked Facade” control you, either because the truth of the matter is, much of the time what you believe people think about you, is not accurate and is a picture you’ve created in your mind because of your insecurities.
The best thing you can do is fall into God’s open arms like I have. He’s a good, good Father. He knows the things I long for – a spouse, children, and a home of my own and that I’m capable of loving and cherishing these gifts. So share your heart with Him. Confide in Him your deepest fears. Whisper your utmost desires in His listening ear. When you do this He will lessen your pain, He will untangle the insecurities that suffocate you, and He will mend your “Cracked Façade.”
